She is the author of This Changes Everything: How the Gospel Transforms the Teen Years (2017). I just turned nineteen, and I have never been on a date. Within a few years I think I will be ready, and the idea of dating with intentionality and gospel-fueled motives excites me.
Seriously, no coffee, no dinner, no movie, no one-on-one — ever. That’s why I’m trying to use this time now to cultivate the right kind of heart.
So many people create new relationships on the wreckage of old interactions. I’ll live with myself 24/7 for the rest of my life and if I choose to blend my life with another’s, that is crucial.
As Joe Jackson sagely says “You can’t get what you want, til you know what you want.” There are questions I didn’t ask myself in earlier years, both pre and post-marriage and conversations that I wish I had back then. My vivid imagination conjures up images of a dynamic, ever-growing “third entity” that combines the sum of the parts of the two of us.
I want to do as much as I can to avoid heartbreak, painful consequences, and naïve mistakes.
As I think about dating for the right reasons, in the right season, for the glory of God, I’ve considered five questions to ask myself before I start dating — five indicators that I’m ready (or not) to date. Here is someone who is living, breathing, chocolate-and-flower-giving proof that you’re interesting and attractive. But if dating is of your validation, it indicates soul-damaging idolatry.
Rationale: Attachment style shows a degree of continuity from childhood to adulthood. Are you able to admit when you’ve made a mistake or when your own actions might’ve contributed to a problem?
Once upon a time, people actually met in real life to date.
I know, what an odd and foreign concept…Dating apps have become the norm among Gen-Yers.
Rationale: Does s/he have any big plans for dramatic life changes you don’t know about? Rationale: Is the person excessively dependent, needy, or incompetent, or does s/he perceive themselves that way? Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert ACT with Love: Stop Struggling, Reconcile Differences, and Strengthen Your Relationship with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Note: Of course there are other important dating questions related to finances, children etc but I wanted to make a list of psychology-related dating questions.
Rationale: Does s/he have grit (which is important for success)? Is s/he going to be good at repairing your bond after you’ve had an argument? Do you know when you’re feeling hurt, lonely, sad, ashamed/embarrassed etc?