When “Let’s grab drinks” feels like a natural follow-up to “Hi, how are you?,” saying it's difficult to navigate the world of dating while sober is an understatement, despite the fact that it's estimated that about 30 percent of all Americans don't consume any alcohol.Yeah, there’s the coffeehouse date, a sober standby, but Lara Frazier, 33, of Dallas, who's been sober for three years, says it’s possible to get more creative.“I think it’s fun to grab coffee, but also to go on a hike or meet at a walking trail. Go people-watch at a public area and just get to know each other,” she says.Abstinence may be as hard or even harder than drinking for the alcoholic because it reveals so many problems that were obscured by the family's focus on alcohol.Denial remains as strong as ever as the family has to face the harsh realities of delusion, illusion and collusion that have dominated its reality during drinking and that are now revealed during the period of abstinence.
I put sand in you wound, I put in your wound a giant, and around myself I light the fire. It often seems it’s the families of addicts who are forgotten and who largely suffer in silence. So much in fact that I belittled myself by staying with one for seven years. Four years later, when I found out about my husband’s relapse, I thought about this friend and the courage it took him to say this and acknowledge . We go to great lengths to avoid the subject altogether.
I was worried about his anger, or that he would relapse, or be too stressed out or my actions would cause something bad to happen. It was his turn to learn to deal with the reality of our existence instead of us having to shrink because of the reality of .” His mother had been an alcoholic and it had stunted his life. “Run” was the best advice I received and it’s the advice I would give my daughter if she ever got involved with an addict. When I finally left my husband, I was only able to do so after taking weeks to compose a list of facts.
The reason this advice hurt so much at the time was that it would have forced me to see my part in things. At my office, I began to put together a black and white list of the things in our relationship that I could not accept.
In many families, the entire family system has been organized by alcoholism.
Not every couple will or, for their own personal health should survive recovery. This could be a time of tremendous personal growth for all individuals involved or it could turn out to be a period of decline.